If I’m not mistaken, today is the launch of a new design for CNN.com. I find their new look to be fresh and aesthetically pleasing. This news agency has also revamped their video news, which leads to my more important observation for the day.

CNN.com has nine, brief video segments for today’s news, and four of those are directly related to human sexuality. Consider quickly the following examples:

• The first deals with a nineteen year old man charged with impregnating an eleven year old girl. Did I mention that both of the mothers are also charged?
• The fifth video captures a sympathetic story of how homosexual teens kicked out by their parents, often wind up up on the streets.
• The seventh story is about a seven year old child who believes himself to be transgendered, and is now living as a girl with the support of both parents.
• The eight clip is about the controversy around ex-gay ministries and the help they offer to homosexuals who want to change.

Now let me do the math, sex is the primary topic in 45% of today’s news videos on the country’s best known news outlet. Frankly, I don’t get it. Surely there are other newsworthy topics that could lend variety to their video clips.

But before you think I’m just one more right-wing Christian dissing secular journalism, let me make another observation that concerns me more. I rarely hear Christian leaders address sexuality at all. Sadly, much of what is said by this group comes off poorly, and is easily dismissed by the left.

It’s clear to me, we need to develop a meaningful, intelligent, inspired dialog that addresses the inherent spiritual nature of human sexuality and responsible conduct. Criticism of a secular culture that can’t understand God’s heart or ways isn’t working.

God help us all.

In my opinion, our churches should be the first, public sector in our society that addresses the sanctity of human sexuality with passion, courage, and clarity. The only folks who need to be talking more are informed dads and moms, so that the real message of human sexuality is both modeled and taught as a significant part of character development.

In recent days, the sexual indiscretions of Former Rep. Mark Foley have surfaced, and once again, we as a nation are embarrassed. Today, in a report from CNN.com, it was reported that he experienced childhood sexual abuse between the ages of 13 and 15. Sadder still, his abuse was allegedly perpetrated by a member of the clergy.

Foley’s story illustrates how childhood injuries left untreated can morph into even larger, more hideous, adult problems. For those of us who are parents, our take-away from Foley’s life is that we need to attend to our children and the injuries they experience.

Many of us resist delving too deeply into past experiences. Pop psychology, television talk shows, and an ever-increasing ensemble of gurus have jaded our opinions about the relevance of historical pain. After all, no healthy or self-respecting person would want to adopt the “victim” identity that seems prevalent in today’s culture. But truth remains.

Whenever a person is sexually assaulted in body, mind, or spirit, victimization occurs in that moment. Such moments, left untreated, can have tragic consequences.

Foley’s story illustrates another point – one I have not seen discussed in the media. The abuse he allegedly suffered as an adolescent by a clergyman, and now the abuse he has reportedly committed as a former representative against a page, is a type of “authority rape.”

Authority rape occurs when someone in a position of power uses “title, position, or status[1]” to sexually exploit or assault a child. Take for example, Mary Kay Letourneau who at age 34 had an affiar with a 13-year-old male student, later giving birth to his child and eventually marrying her former student after serving time in the Washington state prison. The concept of authority rape may also apply to the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal that occured in the mid 1990s. Lewinsky, a 22-year-old White House intern, had a brief sexual relationship wtih then President Bill Clinton. The media typically referred to an affair or sex scandal, but I always felt that more attention should have been given to the fact that while Lewinsky was an adult, she was nonetheless vulnerable given the power and authority of the President of the United States.

These occasions of authority rape point to the power differential that exists between two parties. We should never forget that illicit sex is often about power, the need to control, and a compulsion to medicate with sex. We must also remember that our children need to learn from us how to respond to these sordid acts by men and women in authority.

I invite you to return to my blog where later this week I’ll offer a tip sheet on how to talk to our children about these kinds of news worthy events.

[i] National Center for Missing and Exploited Children http://www.missingkids.com/en_US/documents/ke_agenda.pdf page 2

It’s been a difficult few days. A third school was attacked by a gunman in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, leaving five girls dead, and another five girls in serious condition.

Charles Carl Roberts, IV, was reportedly a “normal father… (a) loving father.” He lacked a criminal record, and had no documented history of mental illness. In his early adolescence, however, Roberts had allegedly molested underage family members. According to reports, Roberts had begun to dream of molesting children again.

Apparently tortured by his past, and maybe his own experiences of sexual abuse, Roberts developed a methodical plan.

Roberts entered the Amish school yesterday with K-Y jelly, boards, eyebolts, chains, and nails. Like Morrison in Bailey, Colorado, Roberts separated the girls from the boys. It seems apparent that this shooter intended to molest his victims. Then Roberts tied the legs of the girls and killed them in execution style.

The five victims ranged from ages 7 to 13. Five other girls are receiving treatment. Robert killed himself.

The governor of Pennsylvania rightly reminded us that “You can never stop a random act of violence…” I wonder, however, are we doing enough as a nation to prevent these acts of violence.

School violence is symptomatic of the larger breakdown we are experiencing in every facet of society.

I appreciate everything that various officials do when school attacks occur. I also appreciate the efforts of our legislators as they continue to look at how they might curb violence through law.

The solution, however, largely remains in our homes and families where we learn how to govern ourselves and how to love others. Our homes are where we learn how to say I’m sorry and how to forgive those who sin against us. Ideally we leave home as young adults, having learned the value of life from our parents and siblings.

School shootings leave us with varied questions and mixed emotions. I pray, however, that we are discerning the times. In these moments of desperation we need to appreciate the value of each day, each life, and every moment.

I hope you will contact me if you’d like to talk about how we can work together. Through the Institute for Sexual Integrity, I’d be pleased to offer educational presentations, conferences, and staff development throughout your community.

I’m less than two hours away from Bailey, Colorado, where a gunman sexually molested six girls yesterday before killing himself and one hostage. Rumors suggest that he entered the school with a list of girls’ names, singling out those who were blond and petite.

Fifty-three year old Duane Morrison had done his homework. A student of another type, he reportedly found his preferred victims on MySpace.com, and then sought them out at Platte Canyon High School.

Slain hostage Emily Keyes, 16, reportedly sent one last text message to her family. It was simply “I love u guys.”

Emily Keyes, her family, and her friends have been traumatized beyond what our imaginations could have fabricated before the Internet. My prayers are with them and the community of Bailey.

We live in an increasingly complex time. Technology is everywhere, used for both good and bad. For Morrison, it seems technology fed his lust; for Keyes, technology gave her a way to communicate from the depth of her heart. Sadly, it also made her a vulnerable target.

When our grief grants us a reprieve from this unthinkable moment in Bailey, Colorado, we’re going to have to start thinking differently for our children’s sake.

I’ve specialized in treating sex addiction for over fourteen years. I became involved in this work in 1994 – two years before the Internet changed our lives forever. In a matter of months, I could see the difference it made in the typical sex addict. No longer turning pages one by one in a magazine, the Internet began to turn up the volume of a man’s neural connections as fast as his modem’s speed. From dial-up to cable, the potential for sex addiction is increasing daily.

Frankly, I’ve taken hundreds of calls where a parent or spouse has learned that someone they love is involved in online pornography or Cybersex. It typically comes as a surprise to some, but commonplace to others. Only the minority of callers actually take a proactive stance against the mental cancer of sex addiction. Passivity is by far the more typical course.

If we begin to think differently for the sake of our children, we’re going to have to grapple with technology and its ubiquitous claim on our sons and daughters. But even more, we need to teach them proactively how to guard their hearts, and maybe even their very lives. At the end of the day, we can rest in that fact that we’ve done our best.

It used to be that parents could trust their larger community, and warn their children merely to be cautious with strangers. Even today, we want to think that a small community with a population of 9,235 in the Rocky Mountains would be a refuge for our families. The Internet, however, has changed our lives. It’s time we start talking about how detrimental this marvelous tool can be when it falls into the wrong hands.

If you’d like to learn more about my one-day Internet Safety and Sexuality conference for parents and adolescents, please contact me toll free at 1-888-891-46673 or on my cell at 1.719.440.4893. You may also visit www.ChristianCounsel.com

It’s always encouraging to learn of others who are raising public awareness about sex addiction and its many problems.

This week a good friend of mine put me onto an article from Cardinal George Pell, Archbishop of Sydney. I hope you will read the Archibishop’s comments, and please be sure to note how the Federal Government of Australia is offering to help her families.

In a CNN.com video entitled, “The Divine Miss Oprah,” we hear that America has a new spiritual leader.  

With a weekly audience of forty-nine million viewers, Oprah is being called “the new moral leader of the millennium.” It was suggested that for many, her influence is greater than rabbis, priests, and pastors.

One person stated that Oprah “has found a way to make spirituality sexy.” Still another said he had learned that “living conscientiously is the most important thing.”

No where in this brief video was the name of Christ even mentioned. And this fact brings me to my thesis: America is binging on spiritual junk food.

I have no need or desire to knock Oprah. Her background proves that she knows what its like to suffer. Her remarkable success proves that she has grappled with life, and is winning – at least from a human perspective. But I’m concerned how millions of people are feeding on a spirituality that fails to reflect God’s glory.

When it’s all said and done, it comes down to the meaning of life. Either we’re in this life for ourselves or for God.

I don’t know about you, but I believe this nation is experiencing a significant spiritual upheaval. Our lack of relevant and authentic Christianity is beginning to flower into a bouquet that smells good, but will prove to be poison.

My prayer for all of us today, is that we will become more aware of God’s love for us, and how this love transforms us beyond the superficiality of ourselves and any culture we can hope to create.  

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:2 (NIV)

Two nights ago Pinnacle Forum Coloradohosted a dinner in
Denver, and featured George Barna, author of Revolution. Two days later I’m still trying to process all that I heard.

This was my first time to hear Mr. Barna in person. I found him to be a humble, servant-minded believer. He’s obviously bright and gifted, but more importantly, I believe he’s dead serious abut Christ and the Kingdom of God. 

His presentation was full of information, and I quickly quit taking notes and decided to buy his book, Revolution. However, here are some of the take-aways I found most useful during his presentation.

• “You get what you measure” – Barna indicated that the contemporary church measures attendance, membership, dollars, square footage, etc., and not necessarily transformed lives.
• The current church model is abiblical, drawn from
  Europe, and obviously in trouble.
• Baby boomers are tired of consumer Christianity.
• A child’s theological beliefs are in place by age 13; his sense of morality by 9.
• Five years ago, less than 1% of Christians attended home churches; today 11% attend home churches.
• The revolutionary Christian takes responsibility for his faith, rather than relying on the local church or other venues.
• By 2025 only 30 to 35% of Christians will be attending local churches; one-third will be in alternative faith-based communities, and another third will be expressing their faith and worship via media, arts, and culture.

With more than twenty years of research, Barna claims the contemporary church (the congregation-based faith experience) has failed to produce transformed lives. 

Undoubtedly, Barna’s message is controversial and bound to create quite a stir. But if you take the time to hear him or to read his book, I believe you’ll find a man who is encouraged about how God is transforming lives throughout America.

I want to hear from you. Will you take a few moments to comment either on this article, or better yet, your church experience? 

Sexuality is one of life’s most important realities. If you think I exaggerate, stop to consider how each human being is the product of a man and a woman and their sexual union.

As a Christian with a Protestant background, I’ve believed for years that we need a codified approach to understanding sexuality and its inherit Christ-exalting spirituality. Clearly, the Bible teaches a great deal about the importance of sexuality. I fear most of us, however, have merely heard about the prohibitions and consequences of sexual sin. Fortunately, God’s Word teaches so much more.

In recent years I’ve heard about John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. The Catholic Church promotes this collection of one hundred twenty-nine short talks on sexuality as a “universal message.” Having looked briefly into TOB on different occasions, I’m developing a healthy appreciation for this work. In my initial review, I’ve heard or read some terms and beliefs that are unique to Catholicism, but none of these have altered my appreciation for this work.

Earlier this week a small group of friends and I began a TOB study entitled, Created and Redeemed. This “adult faith formation program” was developed by our friend, Christopher West. We plan to meet bimonthly to watch an eight-part video series, and to talk about what we’re learning and how it impacts us personally and professionally. And I intend to share my reactions here in this blog.

Whether you’re a member of our small group, or someone who simply wants to dialogue about human sexuality in general or TOB in particular, any appropriate comments will be appreciated.

If you’re family is like mine, we constantly have to re-evaluate how we’re living, in order to maintain balance. Like a high wire trapeze artist, it’s easy to sway one way or the other, only to find we’re headed for a fall.

Undoubtedly your family and mine live in difficult times.

I don’t necessarily long for the “good ole days” when I consider the adversity our forbearers experienced. Their living was often hard and evidenced by early death. But we must be cautious to not minimize the difficulties of our times, either.

Consider, for example, the numerous extracurricular activities offered to your family. Perhaps most of these opportunities would prove to be good experiences, if it didn’t run you ragged just to get there and back.

Or take for example, the complexity of paying your bills. Pa Ingalls use to pay his one or two bills in person, and Ma Ingalls would barter eggs and other commodities. Now, we can pay our bills by check, bank transfer, debit card, online, or by telephone.  Or for that matter we can pay in various combinations of the options already mentioned. But it’s hardly easy to sort through multiple statements, various billing cycles, and differing company policies.

For that matter, church is hardly easy anymore. I don’t intend to disparage church participation, and I remain an active church member. Nevertheless, most families are segregated by age once they arrive at church, and have to navigate a myriad of experiences on what’s suppose to be a day of rest.

As we begin the New Year, I want to remind myself and encourage you, to reflect on what truly matters. Our lives are quickly passing, and we’ll do well to “number our days.”

I invite you to subscribe to my free, monthly newsletter, 365 Ways to Integrate your Recovery in 2006. You’ll find a link here for your email address. I’m eager to have you as a subscriber.

Your email address and participation will always remain confidential.